I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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