I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
