the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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