Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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