Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
