woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
