I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
