i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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