I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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