Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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