Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
