I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
