I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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