allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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