I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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