I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need water and some morals
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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