my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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