I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
