just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
