Little spoons don't ask big questions
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
