please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
