Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
