Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
