Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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