Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
