I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
