cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
