I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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