You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
