Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just want to make out with him forever
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
