who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
