It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
