thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize