I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
