It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize