just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
