I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
