im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
