There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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