first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Randomize
