I want to make a zoo with you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
