after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
