i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
