i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize