also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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