i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
