I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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