My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
