Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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