why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
