He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
