I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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