I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
