Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
