Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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