dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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