Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize