Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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