if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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