Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize