why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
