nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
