why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
