Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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