She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im holly from the hills drunk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
