If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
