i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
